Freedom is Not Free

Some thoughts from a few years ago as we reflect on Memorial Day …

I hesitate to write this ... primarily because the content is disturbing. And yet the lesson, which really may only be for me, is an important one. And though the connection to today, ... Memorial Day, ... is not direct, I believe it can be made. So, please stop here if you feel you shouldn’t or do not want to read something which may trigger some painful thoughts and/or memories for you.

This past Saturday, I drove down to Columbus for a little break and enjoyed a couple of hours at one of my favorite stores. It’s a long way to drive for plastic bags ... the huge blue ones IKEA has to lug around extra laundry, etc., and kitchen baggies, which are tough and reusable ... but I love the quiet drive and the alone time and the Swedish (veggie) meatballs.

After wrapping up my shopping, I got on 71 North and headed home. I don’t know exactly where I was when the traffic started slowing down. ... I had been on the road for maybe half an hour. But as the traffic slowly moved forward, it seemed pretty clear we were approaching an accident. There was smoke off to the right, and as I got closer, I saw that the reality was worse than I had imagined.

This is very hard to write about. I have only verbalized it to one person ... I start crying almost every time I think about it. And if there are no distractions around, I am thinking about it a lot.

As I approached the car, I saw the flames pouring out of the front of it. Several men were frantically running from the left of the car around to the right side. And a man was trying to get out of the back seat on the right side, but it appeared the door wouldn’t open because he was trying to escape through the window. I slowed down even more ... taking in this nightmarish scene not knowing if I should stop ... I had nothing to help ... many cars had stopped ... a lot of people were rushing toward the car to help ... what could I do except add to the chaos and hysteria?! All of those men were so much stronger than I am. So many thoughts rushed through my mind in split seconds as traffic behind pushed us forward. “Oh, God!! Please help these people!!!” That became my cry as we kept moving past that image ... which is in my mind forever.

I began sobbing and cried most of the way home. I kept arguing with myself about what I should have/could have ... couldn’t have ... in reality done. Finally, I started hearing sirens and felt a bit of assurance that people who had equipment were getting there. But I drove home absolutely brokenhearted. I have never witnessed anything so horrible in person. I went to bed that night in such grief and pain for the victims of that tragedy. I had no facts ... just images collected in my mind while driving by the burning car. I tried to talk my way through it to make it have a more positive ending than I imagined. And finally, all I could do was to hand my thoughts and tears and sorrow to my Father.

I was only a passerby. I don’t know any of the people involved in this tragedy ... victims or helpers. But I was traumatized. I was profoundly impacted at that moment by what I witnessed. It will subside. My life will go on. But for a while, I believe it will continue to have some kind of residual effect on me.

Here is what I believe it is teaching me ... and the connection to Memorial Day ... for me. While we specifically remember, on this particular day, those who gave their all ... I think I am beginning to realize the depth of the trauma for those who gave, but still came home. The losses they witnessed are not to be minimized. They may not be able to talk about what they saw ... who they lost ... what they endured ... and how their lives have been profoundly impacted by those experiences, without a tremendous amount of support and acceptance, and help ... to begin to heal. I experienced trauma in a few seconds as I drove past a horrific scene. I cannot imagine the depth of pain for those who have been in wars, in whatever capacity, and then try to fit back into “normal” life ... just having to move on.

It is very true. Freedom is not free.

Trauma. Pain. Grief.

Note to self ... Be loving, patient, generous, tender, and understanding. It can be a very long and difficult process. Don’t preach. Listen. Love. And listen some more.

Image by (Freepik)